I was watching the sprint in Swedish Shampionship in cross country skiing on tv earlier today and I started to think... as usual. Why I started to think this time was a friend of mine are also compete there. Not in the top but she were there.

I asked her earler this week what her goals for this competition were and she said it was going around in the track and just make a good race in a good time. She felt she hadnt compete enough before this weekend. 

In the same time she compete she also have some of the best, these national team skiers in same races. She know she for the moment cant beat them and she know they are many many many steps over her. Then I started to think of our National Championship. In the same class we have these PRO-armwrestler in the same class were the "amateurs". This is something i dont think at when I am on a competition.. WHY?

The reason is that, when I was a junior competitor I were almost all the time in the top and I didn't think of it then, and I didn't even thinking of how it felt, when these who all the time always stop every competition in 4th or 5th place. They just got a medal once or twice every year. When I started to compete I didnt have that many juniors in my class and I also always thought there were only lighter armwrestlers than me.

So what I want to say is that I always had to meet senior-wrestlers and I always get to hear that I had so much respect for my opponents which made me start wrestle "for real" those time I had juniors in my classes. Several times I do got better places and also did better matches in the seniorclass than in the junior class. I aint saying I didnt got medals in the juniorclass and than only did it in the seniorclass. Cause I did.

Between 2003 and 2007 which were my "junioryears" I only came medalless 5-6 times or so from the competitions I am now were glad I did. But then just efter the competition I were so dissapointed the nearest day. Not because I lost, it were because I chickened out and when I knew I could have done better I gived up. And Why were I doing this? Just because I showed to much respect.

But now, here are we having these that always stays as number two. I know when I was junior, some of mine opponents must have feel so bad after the matches when they lost. Not because only they were weaker than me. Because I had a grip then, wery strong and stable which made me feel some of the times already in the start had won the match, just because they give up without even trying. They might had beated me. Who knows?

In the jnunior class, -70 kg the last year has come a supergirl, Sarah. She is now a seniorwrestler and she did good places even in the seniorclass also as a junior. Some of the medals she won as, in both arm togheter I mean; 4 times World Champion, 3 times European Champion, 4 times Swedish Champion. She is an amazing "left armwrestler", and also an amzing "right armwrestler" nowadays. In the europeans and worlds those that have lost against her in the final has been the one that lost against her in the final at Swedish Nationals. 

There are also other "superatlehtes", like the swedish Athletics autor Carolina Clüft when she still compete, the russian pole vaulter Jelena Isenbajeva, The swedish Armwrestler Heidi Andersson, with her right hand, the russian armwrestler Irina Makeeva. And there are many many more aronud the world.

But there are always these athletes that stands just after the "best ones" and even if the best not always win it must feels horrible to know that if the one that came on third place for real acutally had a bad day and when you that ended up on fourth place were in the best shape for a long time maybe ever. And those that came in the top 2 of the podium always are close to "number one" but this time just had a luckyday. 

I wish now, afterwards that should have ended up in more 4th places than I did. It is one of the most worst places to end up to. But it is also one of the best, Often, end on 2nd or 4th place means that you have to change just a little to take one step up. And you will develope in a total diffrent way if you stay in focus to onw day get "just that medal".

What I mean is, if you want something for real, you have to keep your focuse until you know for sure nothing can stop you, beacuse than you have to prepare what you shall do afterwards. I know I didn't when I became world champion. But it has take me until now to notice it for real and to get me one step higher. I dont have any specific goal, but... I do know now I must compete this year to know for sure why I continue to compete after all my setbacks.

One small goal do I acctually have... And I know I can fix it this year, I just need to train up that little changes I need to do to make it possible. But I need to have other goals than that. It is a goal that I been having for 3 years now so I need more after that.

Now Will I take a rest from writening and make some dinners so I wont get to tired with my left arm. And I will write more later... In swedish.....