4th place: Feels boring, most of the time.
3rd place: Pretty okey but what happend?
2nd place: Real good only one that is better.
1st place: Were the opponents hard enough for you?

Fun thoughts to play with. I were just sitting and thinkin on my silwer medals. I have seen so many in diffrent sports that become sad when they ended up on second place. Why? If you always are going to win, then your goals will dissapeared pretty fast. At least I think so, maybe not for Jelena Isenbajeva who has planned to take the record of world records in pole jump.  

But, I do remeber when I won, and i accutally mean won my first silwermedal. I know I became real happy then. It is one of the most meaningful medal for me, it was on a small mcompetition and I had only competed 3 times before and I didn't planned to take a medal, I were also the youngest competitior then at least in the girl class. 14 years old and the one that were second youngest she were 16 years old. I had her in the final and I remember her as REAL strong. In the qualifymatch I had no chances and then after some matches which I don't remember I had her in the final then I had a little more chances but she won. I were real happy then. Some of my clubmates said that if I just weren't that nice and kind to my opponents I should have won. Then I learned that a silwer wasn't that bad. Beacuse if I loose in the final there is one who is stronger than me, that day. I might take her next time, but as long as I haven't met her before I cant say I did anything bad.

If you ended up on second place, you know what you shall trained at until next time. I cant remember I have "lost the first place and only got the silwer" Maybe once or twice. But that is nothing when you have comepte in six year and have made over hundred matches.

My philosophy is: Enjoy your capacity of the day, you never know if you opponents have a better day than you. Even if you feel great, someone else might do it too. And someone gotta win. 

I can tell you that I have severals of golds that I'm not the same happy for as I am for my silwer. Sometimes I win the competition only because those I usually loose against dont compete in my class. Those times it isn't that great. I have learned that at the competition it is each matches that matters. If I had only easy matchesand then win witout loosing I don't feel that happy over it. This is meant in my right arm, my left arm is every won match good.

Some people thinks I do not became happy if I not win, those are wrong.... Yeah I might be sad/angry if I come at second or third place some times, but as I wrote I look at each mathes is it too easy I don't even like to win.

I feel that I really do wanna compete again already this summer, but I know I have to rest my body. Today is it the 6th day after Swedish Nationals and it still feels like I competed there. I am so tired menthally and I am glad that have enough of energy to get up from the bed every day. I am constant tired and have no energy at all to do anything. The worst is that just to sleep won't make me alive.

I write this thext in swedish later not this night, maybe tomorrow or so...